So about a year and a half ago, I got my 3rd tattoo.  It is part of a song by Hillsong that goes:

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand

In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

So I throw my life upon all that You are,
‘Cause I know you gave it all for me.
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

My tattoo is the last part of the song.  Sometimes life gets in my way.  I get so wrapped up in the things of this world, my job, my house, shopping, laundry etc.  What I have found lately (even though I already knew this) is that Satan is one clever dude, he knows EXACTLY where I am weak and he preys on it.  I have had many a pity party because I haven’t lost much weight in the last 3 years.  Satan has on made it clear to me that I am not worthy of losing the weight, I am not good enough, capable enough, strong enough etc…At Church last night we sang that song and I heard God.  For some of you that may make you laugh, but for me it was clear.  We all walk a broken road.  I walk a broken road and GOD is capable of lifting me beyond my failing.  He is capable of changing me into the wife and mom I was created to be.  He is capable of taking all i royally suck at and making me good at it.  He is capable of giving me the motivation and drive to lose the wieght I put on.  and i am worth it, I am good enough and it is what I deserve.  It is what my husband and son deserve.  My sin and SHAME dissolved.  I have been a Christian my whole entire life (not that I have always been good at it), but I know that my sins are forgiven, I know that Christ came and took a beating (no words can describe) so that I can be fogriven in the eyes of The Father.  But man, my SHAME dissolved, I hadn’t thought of that, I couldn’t comprehend that.  I am full of shame for letting my husband down, for not being who I could be.  But my SHAME DISSOLVED.  Wow.  I like that.  No more shame…just hope.  “To call you more than Lord, Glorious Friend”.  That’s awesome to me, I have a Glorious Friend who is disolving my SHAME and recreating me in a new image.  That is amazing.
Pastor George (At Abundant LIfe church http://www.coolchurch.com) spoke last night about the church and all of us in it being “A Place of Grace” and it in he talked about how the emerging culture (and I think EVERYONE) longs to see authenticity in Christians.  He talked about Paul, who is a Biblical superstar, and how Paul struggled with who he was but how he still had hope.  In Romans 7: 15, 18, 19 & 23-25 (CEV - Contemporary Engligh Version) said: “I don’t understand why I act the way I do.  I don’t do what I know is right.  I do the things I hate…I know that my selfish desires won’t let me do anything that is good.  Even when I want to do right, I cannot.  Instead of doing what I know is right, I do wrong…But in every part of me I discover something fighting against my mind, and it makes me a prisoner of sin that controls everything I do…What I miserable person I am.  Who will rescue me from this body that is doomed to die?…Thank GOD!  Jesus Christ will rescue me.”

Paul was an amazing man of the faith who refused to be quieted about his Love for Jesus and yet at times he felt the way he did in the verse above and God still molded him and changed him and used him for God’s purpose.  He can certainly do that with me, with all of us, He can dissolve our shame,  He can change our mindset, He can give us motivation, He can make us know we are worth the change we are making.  To call Him more than Lord but Glorious Friend.  I can do that.

I know I don’t usually post things this personal…maybe I will more, maybe I won’t, I don’t know.  But I had a glimpse into the Heart of God last night at church, and I was reminded that I am worth it, I am capable of it and I can lose weight, that may see so insignificant to some of you, but for me it is my mountain, it is the thing I have fought and struggled and failed at miserably for the last 4 or 5 years.  And last night in a service intended to teach us how to be a place of grace for “seekers” I heard God tell me that if I will let Him, He will change me.  I was met with grace, understanding and kindness from my husband and I know I can do this.  My husband said he believes in me and that I am worth it (he has always said that), and My Friend God said I am capable of it and I believe Him.